Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable condition, and there are ways to support, assist, and manage the behaviors that stem from it. But how often have you heard someone described as a "narcissist"? It’s a go-to label when someone seems difficult, self-centered, or indifferent to others. Could they be one? Possibly.
I want to share some common traits of narcissists and ways to manage your interactions.
Here are some of the key traits of a narcissist: (a clinical diagnosis must have at least 5 of these character traits)
They have a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerate achievements, expect to be recognized, and feel superior).
They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
They believe they are "special" and can only be understood by other special or high-status people.
They require excessive admiration.
They have a sense of entitlement.
They are interpersonally exploitative (take advantage of others to achieve their own ends).
They lack empathy and are unwilling to recognize the needs of others.
They are often envious of others or believe others are envious of them.
They show arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
The biggest fear of a narcissist is humiliation, embarrassment, or being wrong.
So, how do you get along with someone who has NPD, especially if they are a family member or parent? These relationships can be particularly challenging, as the parent often has more control over the child and the child has little understanding or agency over the situation.
Here are some strategies to keep in mind:
Understand their mindset.Narcissists are constantly scanning their environment for danger or opportunity, monitoring whether they are still perceived as being in control. This can manifest in different ways. When engaging with them, it may help to let them know you are feeling neutral, content, or calm. If you don’t pose a threat to their sense of self, the conversation is more likely to remain respectful. This approach isn’t about placating or enabling; it’s about creating non-threatening interactions.
Image is everything to them.Narcissists work hard to maintain a flawless image and avoid being perceived negatively. In conversations, avoid cutting them down, as their defenses will go up, and they may lash out. Instead, focus on the subject matter in a neutral way. Share your own experience without making it about them. If you start listing their flaws, they’ll shift into damage control mode and won’t be able to engage with you productively.
Hold your boundaries.Narcissists often disregard boundaries, feeling entitled to most things. However, you are allowed—indeed, you should—hold firm boundaries. Their response may be disproportionate, but remember, their reaction is not your responsibility. Boundaries are there to protect you and regulate your emotions. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Discern the truth.When communicating, stick to the core issue and avoid getting swept up in any exaggerations or tangents. Stay focused on the truth of what’s being discussed. If you allow the conversation to veer off course, you’ll lose sight of the purpose.
Stay connected to yourself.Narcissists lack empathy and rarely try to understand your perspective. You must remain your own advocate and stay grounded in your truth.
Have compassion—for yourself and others.Being in a close relationship with a narcissist can cause suffering. Be gentle with yourself and avoid self-criticism. Most people don’t deserve the treatment they receive from a narcissist, and this is a difficult dynamic to navigate.
Sidestep conflict when possible.Consider limiting your interactions—shorter conversations, avoiding them at certain times, or only sharing what’s necessary. You have the right to engage when you feel ready and able to handle it. Just because they want to talk or meet doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do so.
No doubt, dealing with a narcissist is one of the most challenging interpersonal relationships. It can lead to feelings of being dismissed, unloved, depressed, or emotionally drained. Caring for yourself is essential. Be careful not to accept their distortions as truth. If you’re feeling down, take a peaceful moment to breathe and remember that feelings come and go. You don’t have to anchor yourself in them.
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